When Jackson Dramson came down with wrestling-style belt emblazoned with the letters FBA
over his shoulder and playfully announcing himself as Fighting Bastards Association champion Jackass Dramson
, his father Doug did a double take. Where the hell did you find that?
he asked.
Jackson grinned. It was in a bag in the attic,
he said.
Doug took the belt from him and looked at it, a dumb grin inching onto his face. My old Furry Basketball Association belt. Big Bruce—the guy who did the belts for North Prairie Wrestling—made this for me.
Oh, yeah, here’s the basketballs,
said Jackson. Um... when did you have it made?
When I started out... 2005, couple years before you were born.
Okay... why?
Because I was an arrogant prick at the time and I was gonna wear this when my team won the championship. ’Cept that never happened.
None of the teams he’d been on—the Rocky Mountain Royals, Winnipeg Voyageurs, or Las Vegas Wildcards—had won a championship at all (and now the Royals never would)—so during his 14 years in the FBA the belt had been left packed away unworn except for one time where he wanted to see how he’d look in it.
Aww... I’d love to see a picture of you wearing the belt.
Doug looked at his son, pondering—then grinned roughly. Why not? What was the FBA going to do to him, now that he was retired? He went upstairs to where his uniforms were stored—and decided on the old Royals outfit, the team he’d first been on, and which had made the playoffs only once in its entire existence. Trying the old outfit on, he was pleased to see that his regular workouts paid off—it still fit perfectly.
At a local photo parlour, Doug changed into his uniform, and struck a classic heelish pose he’d done a number of times in his own youth when he wrestled for his dad in North Prairie Wrestling and was photographed from a couple different angles.
He originally planned to buy four sets of prints—one for his son, one for himself, one for his dad (who’d find it absolutely hilarious), and one for Big Bruce, who really deserved to have a picture of that belt worn after all this time.
Then he thought of Sterne Davids and Stefan Calico (the FBA commissioners he’d played under) his head coaches, the team owners, and his old team captain Angus MacColl (who would love a good joke), and got several more.
These ones would be signed.
And now the idea behind the picture:
It was mentioned quite some time ago that those on teams who won the Furry Basketball Association championship might not be able to wear rings (for example, otters or other creatures with webbed hands), so might get pendants or bracelets instead—something they could wear.
I imagined that Doug Dramson—having been a pro wrestler in his teenaged years—would use his newfound FBA wealth to commission a belt (He didn’t have the nickname Six-Foot-Nine Of Arrogant Asshole for nothing)—but as fate would have it, he never would be champion, and after 14 years in the FBA, he retired as the contracts dried up.
Of course, rumours would go around of its existence, but nobody would know for certain since it remained tucked away in Doug’s attic—until now, as Doug is safely retired and therefore willing to pose with the belt for a laugh.
The reason there are two pictures here was because of an honest goof-up on my part: in 2020 I commissioned a picture of Doug Dramson wearing his belt from Mickeyila, completely forgetting that that I’d commissioned a picture with the exact same theme from Eerie Eden the previous year.
Both did a great job, though.